Perfectionism

When Perfection is driving...

Shame is always riding shot gun,

and Fear is that annoying back seat driver.

-Brene Brown

Throughout the course of my own research as well as my own personal experiences and reflections about anxiety disorders, it is clear to me that there are definitely some strong possible links to perfectionism.

I can remember having perfectionist and obsessive compulsive tendencies since I was a young girl. 

Perfectionists are never relaxed. Always preparing, checking, comparing and criticizing ourselves. There's always something to criticize seeing as despite what you may have heard, there really is no such thing as perfect. Which brings us to the crossroads of Acceptance. If we can only feel okay if things are a certain way, chances are we'll never reach that point. I think everyone struggles with acceptance. Just like any other deliberate act of the mind, it takes practice and awareness.

So I have complied a list of ways to stop these destructive, life sucking thoughts and behaviors in their tracks. Please feel free to leave a comment if you have additional advice!

1.) Perfectionists have a hidden agenda that includes the need to please or impress others. We like to appear like we have it all together and are in complete control. Stop wasting your time! The best way to please, impress and attract others is by being confident and at peace with where you are no matter what. It's none of your business what others might think of you.

  "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

2.) Stop comparing yourself to others. I think it's fair to say that both women and men are equally guilty of this self-destructive behavior. Someone is always, and I mean always going to appear to have it better than you. We are all unique for many reasons. We are all on our own paths. Each person's path is wide enough for just one person, two cannot fit, and no paths are the same or lead to the same place. You are you for a reason.

3.) Show compassion for others. When we shift our focus off of ourselves and onto others we also reap the benefits that we offer. Spending your thoughts on others, takes away from the amount of thoughts available to spend on yourself. When we practice compassion towards others, it eventually becomes easier to being compassionate towards ourselves as well.

4.) Be in the moment. Mindfulness is especially helpful when dealing with intrusive perfectionist thoughts and ideas. Staying in the moment takes practice, and constant reminders to bring yourself back to the moment in time in which you are living and breathing. How do we stay in the moment when there's so much that could fly out of control at any moment? By accepting the hard truth that nothing really is 100% in our control no matter how much we think it is or can be, bringing us back to acceptance. We need to ask ourselves how much we are missing out on by constantly trying to reach sometimes nearly impossible standards.

5.) Pick your battles. Sit down and be honest about what really matters at the end of the day. Let Go! Scream it out if it helps, "LET GO!". Will I feel better if I know all of my chores were completed with perfection "just in case" someone stops by unexpectedly, or will I feel more accomplished if I spent that extra time escaping in a good book, having some great conversation with my spouse, or playing games with my kids and bathing in their laughter?