Positive Self-Talk

When positive affirmations were first suggested to me years ago all I could think of was Stuart Smalley from the old SNL skit. In case you forgot here's a reminder: "And doggonit people like me!"

Stuart Smalley SNL

But then eventually I got to the point where I was willing to do just about anything to feel better. This is not to say that you need to feel the lowest of lows in order to change your self-talk. The sooner you start listening to the the mental chatter that takes place during every waking hour, the sooner you'll realize how negative it is and how much you really beat yourself up without even realizing it. It has become normalized.

After further research I realized that it's not just about memorizing positive words to say to yourself like a broken record, it's realizing what exactly you are saying to yourself. This is referred to as "Self-Talk". Whether it's words we say out loud or in our own heads... It's there, it's real and it does affect how we feel physically, mentally and emotionally.

"I'm a bad mom, I let my kids eat way too much sugar!"

"I'll probably mess this relationship up just like I do with everything else!"

"Why can't I stop....?"

"I should've accomplished more today."

"I'll never get better."

I could go ON and ON with examples of horrible things we tell ourselves everyday. Here's an easy way to tell whether or not what you're telling yourself is healthy: "Would I say these things to my friends, children or other loved ones?" Would you badger, complain and constantly point out the negatives to someone you care about? NO, you wouldn't. If you did I bet that relationship would suffer greatly.

Part of healing is to learn to nurture yourself. I know this is easier said than done. Like I stated above, this form of self-talk or self-abuse has become such a normal part of life that we don't even pay attention to it's consequences or even how horrifically often it's happening.

The first challenge is to simply become aware. Start listening to your inner voices. What are you really saying? Is it true? Can it be challenged? I bet every insult you throw at yourself can be challenged.

I call this the "flip side".  I'm going to demonstrate the flip side to the first statement above.

"Do my kids really eat too much sugar or is it just today? Can I feed them healthier tomorrow? An extra scoop of ice cream does not make me a bad parent. My kids are safe, happy, healthy and loved. I am a good Mom."

So this is an example of challenging your thoughts, Forcing yourself to hear just what it is your are saying to yourself. Is it valid? What can you do about it?

It takes practice, practice and more practice. Reminding yourself to be aware and mindful of you!